Candid Thoughts on Interviewing, Hiring and Improving Your WorkLife

Let's Get This Thing Moving

Happy 2009!  Can I still say that?  Wow, sorry I have been in the basement a little too long.  I have appreciated the encouragement via emails to get you a blog entry and I think I will proceed with that.

The job environment, the whole thing is kind of swirling with negativity and bad news.  I would be lying if I told you that doesn't get to me some - however, I have the key, the solution, and the panacea for the downturn.  Are you ready for the solution?  I mean, really.

The answer in your life, in your career search, in your quest, is PEOPLE.  You need to be talking, sharing, networking, and taking stock of the relationships in your life.  You need PEOPLE and they need you.  I mean, people who need people - aren't they supposed to be the luckiest people in the world?  Sorry.  Anyway, this fear that has many of you completely gripping needs to be vanquished with some networking and reassurance.  Where do you get some of that?  PEOPLE.  You need some people in your life that will listen to you.  Who are they?  Can you list them? 

Some of you need to get some new customers.  The relationships that have dried up - let's make more.  This is not a time sit on your ass.  So if you are in sales or looking for a career move, perhaps it is not only PEOPLE but PROSPECTING.  I know I need to be careful not to sound parental but let me digress and I think it is time for a new paragraph.

Many of us make the mistake that PEOPLE care.  Some PEOPLE do.  Some PEOPLE don't.  Again, who are they?  Before we launch into some fear gripping, economy sucking, my career is tanking, what about my credit rating conversation - let's ask ourselves - does this person really care?  Shouldn't you know that.  Shouldn't the level of concern you want the intended listener to possess be in direct relationship with the transparency of the bitching?  Many of you are looking for compassion and empathy in your sales call or on the job search.  And yes, I have made this mistake before.  Does your customer really care about YOUR lack of production?  Probably not.

Does the HR generalist care that you are desperate for a gig?  No - she has a job.  FYI - you can bitch to HR about your premiums going up once you are employed but don't bitch that you have to complete an application, even though you are an exempt six figure dude or she won't give you the chance to bitch about your premiums going up.  She just won't.

I am not even sure where this blog started or what it became but I came here, I said it, you read it.  Dare, I say - I think you may also want to PRAY in this time.  Not that - please - geez - how about this nugget of wisdom?  Christ said in the book of John - "...in this world you will have trouble" - wow - no kidding, eh?  My point is - perhaps as you navigate the tough times - start with some PRAYER or whatever you call it, maybe for the strength to do some PROSPECTING for better relationships, the right PEOPLE, whatever PEOPLE you need.  The right PEOPLE are the key for you and me in this marketplace and any marketplace.  So go find them.  

Apparently, I am just not ready

Timing really is a key to so many things in this life.  Are you ready?  Are YOU ready? 

I have never really considered getting a tattoo - really what I would get? where would I want it on my body?  and the permanence of it - geez - this is serious business.  Apparently, I wasn't aware of it but I already have one.  Did this happen on some drunken binge recently?  A spring break back in the day?  I am not quite sure but it is true - I already have a tattoo and it is smack dab in the middle of my forehead.  It says - "Tell me about your multi-level marketing opportunity."

The catch is not everyone can see it - did I pay extra for this?  Is that like a hologram tattoo or something?  Can you only see it when I turn one way or the other?  Well, look I didn't pay for this tattoo but I paid for it alright.

So, in walks this acquaintance with the ability to see my tattoo.  I am not aware of her skill.  She is disguised as a caring former recruiting professional with an interest in returning to the biz and by that - I mean - not really.  Given her alleged empathy I probably shared a little more of the frustration of my job than I normally would.  Regardless she has the customized solution - and by customized I mean for anyone in the freaking world that will listen, pay $49.95 for some kit, and is willing to lose their soul. 

Yes, I want more time.  Yes, I want to spend more time with my family.  Yes, I want to travel. Yes, I want the fast car, killer motorcycle, all that material shit that I can get.   YES!  YES! YES!  Unfortunately, I also want to enjoy all those things with my friends who I would probably lose if I chose this path.  I will admit to you that I somewhat enjoy the presentation because it does sound SO good.  The promises are alluring. 

Being the occasional thoughtful guy I am - I really wanted to give her a thoughtful answer - a substantive one because I know she is armed with some objection handling skills that are going to be fired upon me and actually she is a nice lady - I care what she thinks.  However, when you say "NO" here comes the kicker.  Here comes the emasculation.  "Andy, I was wrong.  Apparently, you just aren't ready," she said smugly.  I was ready alright - ready for her to shut her mouth now that my manhood had been ripped from me. 

I was firm and thoughtful in my "thanks but no thanks" and in turn I am shamed, ridiculed and challenged.  I think the good news is my no must have been convincing and in her manual if you get the convincing no - it must say - "When encountering a firm and principled no - rip manhood immediately.  Let prospect know the only way to get it back is by paying $49.95 and they can have it in 2 days via Fedex."

I am happy to say I have come up with the solution.  I will never have to say no again to these people.  I realized that - by the time I realize people with her skill are in front of me - it's too late.  I am trapped.  You want to put your head down and scream "No, why me again - the tattoo."  So, I am getting another tattoo.  What..huh?  Yes, the Lord blessed me with additional canvas to be inked up on my bald head.

So...now - when this occurs I slowly put my head down into my hands and they will see - "Shut the hell up.  I have no interest."  Finally, a tattoo with purpose and an objection that renders you speechless all rolled into one.  Apparently, I wasn't ready but she probably won't be ready to read this either.  Nice.      

The Word Is Unacceptable

When I lost my mind a few years ago and left the recruiting industry, albeit for 4 months, I found myself at one of the top companies (allegedly) in Indianapolis.  This company is always at the top of the list of like "The Best Places To Work" - you know these lists - sure.

I am always looking for common denominators that make companies good places to work and those that are not good places to be.  By the way, the company made a remarkably good product but the people left something to be desired.  They just were not my kind of people.  In some reflection lately, it became crystal clear to me one major reason why.

Before I go there, let me say in my career - I am now self-employed but - I have worked for some small companies, a mid-sized company and a Fortune 500 player and this company, which I would describe as another large company and a leader in their industry.  I have seen a wide variety of corporate cultures.

I am always asking my candidates to tell me why they would leave - why?, why? why?.  I want to know what makes it a bad environment?  Why are you bored?  All that stuff. 

But I left this company because in my opinion the job was not right for me - I should have never left the recruiting industry but I have to tell you the culture sucked and the culture sucked because of the word - unacceptable.

I think after awhile bold words that are so black and white can lose their sting.  No, I am not venting because my performance sucked and I personally was the target of that word.  I heard it everywhere - in all 5 business units I supported.  Unacceptable.  Seriously? - unacceptable.

I think the worst part is when words like that are tools of people you have no respect for at all.  I can still see some of these freaking idiots, one in particular, that had Executive VP on his business card, people could not stand him - Crazy sons of bitches in charge of millions of dollars and the only person that is empowered by their leadership is their super rude administrative assistant - you know the one that goes by her first name and no one even knows her last - it is as if she been given a new last name -"that bitch."  Does this sound familiar? 

Someone needs to go.  They need to be fired or you need to fire them by leaving.  I guess this is my wake-up call to those of you in a negative environment.  Look around you - are people that should be fired, being fired?  Do you respect your co-workers?  Do you respect the management team?

I laugh and think about some of those meetings now.  I witnessed people being berated - conference calls where people were called out, with absolutely no tact.  Managers that use words like this repeatedly lack creativity and certainly do not inspire and certainly are not leaders.

Don't get me wrong - there is a time for unacceptable - perhaps in a private meeting with your boss when you really screw up.  However, I would offer if you hear that word alot - you probably need to be getting your resume together.  Unacceptable may be the step before unemployed.  Understand?

The UFC and Your Work Environment

Had a little bit of a rough day but saw inspiration as I left that great American Think tank this evening - some call it Target.  What a tremendous store - I did need everything I purchased this evening - I was not seduced by the red Clearance sticker that my wife is typically lured by.  You know these stickers - screaming you need this bamboo telephone book holder station thing - the drawer in the kitchen will no longer do.  Sorry - tangent. 

Back to the rough day - but the UFC came to mind.  The Ultimate Fighting Championship.  Have you seen this yet?  I always secretly wanted to be in a boy band - an 'N Sync perhaps - very cool but I had to say buh, bye, bye, bye to that dream.  I am now convinced I could perhaps thrive in the UFC -if they had like a middle-aged, white collar, non-tattooed, never have six pack abs, weekend warrior division.  I would be all over that.  The gym is just not enough for that stress relief.  There are just days when you need a UFC like experience.

I say this because I am pretty sure they have no rules they just go at it.  Kicking each other's ass until one submits.  I think we can all learn something from this.  I really see some practical parallels in the UFC culture that we could bring to corporate America.

We digress - I am well aware of a tobacco company that of course you are allowed to smoke at your desk.  It's 2007 and you can smoke at your desk.  No need to take a smoke break here - fire one up right at your desk.  Wow, it is encouraged and they even have signs that say things like "Smoking Allowed."  Why not?  It is their product.                  

But back to the UFC and how it applies to you - I was just thinking about your work environment - you go to some meeting.  The meeting gets a little heated, a little personal or borders on it.  At your company, this meeting gets to a boiling point - some jack crack speaks out of turn but stops short of saying what they really should say - perhaps someone gets thrown under the bus.  I love that saying.

So here is the deal though - instead of people returning to their desks dejected and demotivated - the senior manager speaks up and says something like - we are gonna settle this issue right here - right now in like a "Let's get ready to rumble" voice.  Some doors open up at the end of the conference room and suddenly you are ringside as two of your co-workers, department heads let's say are in this cage like ring thing - bright lights, some rap tune, you will download to your ipod later, playing so loud you wish someone would back off the bass and you can smell the rawness of what is about to happen.  You like this scene.

We are not talking those gimmicky sumo suits people put on at the halftime of a sporting event - we are talking ass kicking over business issues that don't require macros and pivot table laden spreadsheets - oh no, just bring it on - if you can kick my ass in under 6 rounds - we can go with SAP - we will make that multi-million dollar investment.  Maybe it's you and your boss in the cage after a poor performance review, one with no raise.  Your boss says it's not in the budget - ok - then I am thinking he must pay another way.

I think the UFC corporate headquarters must be a great place to work and I am pretty sure they have adopted this kind of problem avoidance/conflict resolution policy.  You have an issue, let's meet and discuss, if it gets to a point of gridlock - we go at it - simple.  Can you imagine the recruiting power of this policy.  A candidate asks, "What is the environment like here?  Do departments and people work together here?  Is it a team environment?"  You are now given the power to say, "Oh, definitely a team environment and when there are issues we settle them quickly and decisively - we have implemented a policy for such."  Doesn't this give creedance to a whole new level of Six Sigma Blackbelt?

Someone's ass will be kicked, someone will get their way and the other will like it and we will all be better for it or it will be go-time again.  This is the panacea to improving company morale.  Forget the ropes course retreat stuff - scrap the company picnic - the 3rd Wednesday night is UFC day at your company - let's go cage match - right now.  Bring it on mid-level manager guy!

What is wrong with me? 

Why is Profanity So Effective?

As I have shared with many of you, I am self-diagnosed ADD.  I do think it is actually a good trait for a recruiter to possess as many of my colleagues seem to share this condition.  Perhaps in lieu of medication it is therapeutic being able to unload my observation through this medium. 

In fact it gives me great pleasure to share this general rant.  I get a kick out of the conversations where some of you just go completely transparent with YOUR story.  "The people I work with are effing idiots - I hate this effing place" - These are my kind of people - as a recruiter I have grown to love the transparent negativity of high caliber people that although they have deep convictions about why they should leave their company - for some reason they have not done anything about it yet.

It's as if they have so much pent up rage they are glad I called because they just needed to tell someone.  For that, I thank you.  I love it.

So back to profanity and why it is so effective.  Don't get me wrong - I don't want to be berated with profanities.  "Eff you, Andy - don't ever call me again you ahole!"  I don't want to hear that.  I am talking about the use of profanity in the proper way. 

Here is my take:

People want to know where you stand - cussing clarifies.  People want to know how you feel - profanity is passionate.  Diversity in the workplace is integral in today's corporate world - Terseness transcends, Damnit it does. 

I think conventional wisdom is that profanity shows the ignorance of the individual, a lack of vocabulary, a lack of thought - I say quite the contrary.  I think clarity trumps creativity and volatility is one up on vocabulary.

Look, profanity gets to the point.  You have my attention.  People want edgy, they want in your face, I think profanity ensures they listen.  It keeps them listening, it keeps them engaged in the presentation.  Can you imagine at the next shareholder's meeting your CEO getting up and just going off on the good or bad results?  You would would leave there saying, "Damn, I can't believe she said that.  She's effing right, our business model does need reengineered" or "She's effing right, we had a great year - we should be in awe of ourselves." 

Clearer messages delivered with brevity and shorter meetings all because of some calculated cussing.

Finally, I think F bombs and the like are therapeutic.  I recently just went off on a customer service rep that called me and I really just lost it. While I regretted being a little over the top - I felt good about it deep down.  In fact, rather than saying - "Sir, do not use that language with me" (repeatedly and in some nasal tone) - she actually paused and asked - "Why do you cuss so much?" - I actually said to her, "because it makes me feel good."  Point is she really didn't mind and I think she was glad I felt better.  Now, that is customer service.